#ReverbBroads6: I Think I've Got Heartbreak Down

The title is misleading.

Reverb Broads Post 6 (yes, I skipped 5. It will come some day): What has been the single most heartbreaking experience you've ever had? (By Kristen)

Oh...heartbreak. There's romance heartbreak, and life heartbreak. I'd like to say I'm more of a master at romance heartbreak than I am at life heartbreak, but that's not how things have fallen.

Here's my secret: I don't have a single-most-heartbreaking-experience, because my heart breaks with every loss. At first, I didn't quite understand. We were far away, and great-grandma wouldn't be there when we got back. (This memory is so vague, that I don't even remember if we were able to go back for her funeral. My memory says we were in Hawaii already, and that we didn't go back, but I leave the corrections to my mother.)

Then, I was confused - my great grandpa passed away, and I wasn't given the opportunity to see him again. That's just not fair, says 10-or-so year old Alex.

Then, I was heartbroken. But he was my best friend. I didn't get to say goodbye. That's not fair. This was also when I had some religious challenges (for those of you who don't know, I'm not religious.) At this time, I was struggling with religion, and the thought that someone would just take my grandfather away from me, without any reason or excuse, but with a lot of pain, made no sense to me.

Shortly thereafter, my great Uncle who had come to live with us passed. But I had just seen him the day before. This time, I tried to go to school. School didn't last that long for me that day, but the pain of the loss did.

I thought maybe, as I got older, that things would get easier. Brandon lost his aunt the first year we dated - that's when I realized, that it never gets easier.  I lost my great grandma when I was in college, and then shortly lost my grandmother.

While I won't say anyone was harder than the next, losing Collene was probably the most impactful for me. I'd had one relationship with my grandmother when I was growing up, but had managed to create a new relationship with her in my college years. She's been gone since I was in graduate school, and I still find myself dialing her number to apologize for not wearing a scarf on days when the wind chill is insane; to tell her about a book I read that she should find on CD or tape; or just to say I miss you.

Because that's the secret of heartbreak - you will miss those you loved (be they people, as I've shared here, or animals, like Shakespeare, Casey and Oz) forever. You'll be on a train, and a smell will waft through and all of a sudden, your grandpa Rex is sitting right next to you. Or you are on a walk on the beach, and Grandma Collene is there, too. You hear their laughter, you hear their voice, and you feel their pain -

but it never gets easier.

#ReverbBroads - Laughter is the BEST medicine

It's fitting that today's post is about laughter, and that was how I started off yesterday's post. Laughter really is one of the best things ever.

Prompt #4: What makes you laugh? (By Laurie)

The better question really is what DOESN'T make me laugh...

This man makes me laugh. A LOT.

Brandon is my best friend, my fiancee, my roommate, the co-parent to my dog and cat, and probably one of the funniest people alive. He doesn't think he's very funny, but he keeps me on my toes and makes me laugh, at least once, every day.

Dave Coulier also makes me laugh - but mostly my job does.

My job is amazing for a lot of reasons, but it definitely keeps me laughing. There are some days I laugh because I'm not sure how else to respond. There are other days I laugh because this is real life: I just ordered over $200 worth of Harry Potter memorabilia for a student event, OR, I get an email asking if I want to be an MMA fighter (because I bought something for our MMA club once.)

The past makes me laugh.

The past is funny. We've all made some awesome decisions (like the sweater vest thing I'm wearing in this picture), but there is nothing in the past worth regretting. We take, we learn, we move on, and above all, we must laugh.

My family (missing Brandon)

When you grow up in a musical theater family, you are going to laugh a lot. There will be random moments of song (maybe about how much the dog smells,) dances in the kitchen, and tons of "creative" moments. But...what more could you ask for than a crazy, happy family? I can't come up with much...

#ReverbBroads - Laugh, -ly and candy.

We all give advice. Some people (especially people on the CTA) give entirely too much of it, especially when not needed, but at least they feel comfortable giving it. How often do you actually ACT on people's advice? My bet is not very often - we all seem to be very set in our ways, but I'm going to share with you the good, the bad, and the funny.

Post #3: What is the best advice you've ever received from a parent and/or sibling? Worst advice? (By Amy)

BEST: My mom has always told me to laugh, at least once, every day. I sort of thought this was silly, because what good is laughter? Clearly, I was a very depressed child (not the case, at all.) As I move through life, and start dealing with "adult" things - like the death of my grandmother, money challenges, trying to figure out what a retirement fund looks like, I've realized just how valuable that advice is. Also, I'm amazed that I can't find a picture of my mom and I, laughing. I'll have to remedy this the next time I'm in Nevada.

WORST: I still hold my family in high esteem. I don't actually think they have ever lead my astray in life. However, my first English teacher in college (and as a freshman, I took her word for Gold,) told me that you should never use words that end in -ly as descriptors (or at all) in your writing. Thinking back on it, I'm not even sure she was an English major.

You can't even imagine how hard this is. Quickly, slowly, really, happily, the list goes on. So...I couldn't tell you the point of this, I can only tell you that I still beat my self up when I catch myself using an -ly word (even if it seemed appropriate at the time), and I wish I could take that moment in time back and challenge her, instead of just re-doing my paper.

FUNNY: Everyone has been told not to take candy from strangers. Let me tell you, this is horrible advice. Candy is amazing. At lunch today, I took a mint flavored candy from my waitress, and it was glorious. Anytime someone wants to offer you candy should be a glorious occasion. The advice should probably go something along the lines of... "Be cautious about what candy you take, but enjoy the candy."

#ReverbBroads I bet you've never heard of this song.

It's no secret that I love the holidays. (It's also no secret that this weather is killing my traditions. Please snow. Please.) I'm certain this would be my answer to this post, even if it wasn't December. But considering it's December, and it's NOT snowing, I think this is the perfect response.

Post #2: What is your strongest memory tied to music? (By Sarah)

Christmas in the Northwest

This was my life growing up. It didn't snow very often. When it did, you RUSHED home and the city shut down. (I was shocked the first time it snowed in college when people were still on time for class. Clearly I hadn't been in the Midwest very long at that time.) Snow days were coveted, because they didn't happen very often, but when they did they were glorious.

We had a pretty great storm when my family was still living in the Blue house. It lasted three days (or so says my memory) and it actually forced us to use the fireplace at my grandparents house, making our meals over that. I had friends who were over the first night, and it just gave us the opportunity to play in the snow (or ice).

That's just one of the MANY memories I have of this song. For the last six years, I didn't spend any of the holidays with my family, but with my partner's. While I'm so glad that his family accepted me in, there's still something nice about spending the holidays with your own family. I did that for Thanksgiving this year - and that was awesome.

But, when I'm not able to see them, I play this song, and all is well in the world.

#ReverbBroads Favorite Place

It's that time of year again - when I try to commit to my blog while sharing with the ReverbBroad Facebook community. Today's post: What is your favorite place in the world? What makes it so special?

I have this memory of Jodie Foster, describing the most beautiful place ever, in the movie Contact, which I saw when I was a lot younger. I've always imagined a place like that as my favorite place, but life is not always like the movies.



I have had lots of favorite places. When I was younger, it was anywhere with my grandpa. For awhile, it was the Capital Playhouse facility. There have been others, but mostly it has been somewhere I felt safe, secure, and free to be myself.

Six ish years ago, an awesome family accepted me, when Brandon and I started dating. We're now moving forward with the rest of our life together (our wedding is in June of 2013), and my current favorite place on Earth is a place that his family holds close to their hearts, as well.

They call it The Cottage, but its so much more than that. It could be a year round living home,but its a mini-vacation spot for all of us. It hold memories: of my first (and only) attempt at wake boarding; an engagement of one of the cousins and her fabulous husband; before my time, of all the children growing up, and now memories filled with those that they have chosen to spend the rest of their lives with.

It also holds freedom. Freedom to lay in the hammock and read a book all day. Freedom to stay at the cottage when everyone else goes skiing, and lay in front of the fire with a book, the dogs and/or a good movie. Freedom to just be, and either play marathons of Hand and Foot, or just hangout.

It's a place to disconnect, to be, and to celebrate family. What is your favorite place?

Pursuit of...the rest of your life.

While you can succeed without a Bachelor's degree, it is becoming more and more rare. The timeline these days, or so it seems is:
Graduate high school (age 17-18)
Enter college (age 17-18)
Graduate college (21-25)
Enter work force (21-25) for the rest of your life (with the possibility of continuing education somewhere in there.)

Do you think we are asking too much of our 17-18 year olds? When I was in middle school, I had to take a careers course. We met various people from different fields, asking questions and learning about various field. We never talked about careers again. I asked some of my college students today if they took a careers course, the answer was no.

How do we expect our students to know what their career options are if we aren't giving them the resources to make these choices? I see students change majors three or four times before they settle on something - and then they go back to Grad School for yet another different career path. I also have seen students enter the work force for one year and then run to Grad School because the career path they thought they wanted (the one they decided when they were 17 years old) turned out to not be what they wanted.

I had a student walk into my office today in crisis mode. She changed her major between her first and second semester and, one and a half semesters into her second major, she thinks she is miserable. She doesn't really know what she wants to do, but she thinks she really likes what I do for a living.

I absolutely value what we as educators and professionals offer students entering college, but I wonder what we can do to help them with these decisions. As someone who went straight from my Bachelor's into my Master's, I understand being unhappy with a degree path.

What does your institution do to help the undecided or questioning students? What resources, courses, programs or offerings are out there to help guide the young souls who may not feel comfortable making such a life changing decision at such a young age?

It's just Alex (and other easy answers.)

Welcome to my blog. My name is Alex Garrett, and I'm a female student affairs professional with a short first name. I welcome you by explaining a few of the most frustrating answers I give on an almost daily basis...

Is your name really just Alex?
I understand that many people use nicknames (my mother is Kristin, goes by Kris; father is Richard, goes by Rich.) I, however, I have a VERY short first name. It's four letters, and that's it. Unfortunately, my middle name is Andrea, so this leads to a lot of confusion (especially with insurance companies, for some reason.) This also leads to my next problem. But yes, my name is just Alex. My advice for you: accept the terms that people use to describe them. From gender pronouns to names, if that's how they introduce themselves, use it.

Are you sure this is Alex? (This is generally followed up by a number of security questions, every time I speak to someone about my account.)
I thoroughly enjoy my name. When I was younger, I wished my mother had named me something glamorous (like Alexandra Anastasia). For awhile, I added a z to the end of my name (Alexz. Why? I have no idea.) But, I'm at a point where I like my name. However, on paper, everyone assumes that Alex Garrett is a boy. Whenever my partner calls to ask questions about our cable account (that is in my name,) he encounters no security questions in addition to address and phone number (while pretending to be me.) When I call, I get everything from our security code (which I can never remember,) to my social security number. In answer, yes, this is Alex. My advice for you: don't judge a name just by what you know. I have more female Jordan & Taylor friends than I do male friends. Names that are solely for one sex or the other are kind of going away, and as a society we need to be ready to accept that and get rid of our gendered assumptions.

Oh, you work at a college. What do you teach? (Enter brief explanation.) Okay. You just plan parties. That must be awesome.
I will admit it - when I entered college, I had no idea what Student Affairs was. However, I was super involved in orientation, first year experience, and a number of student organizations and I slowly figured it out. I hold a Master's degree in Educational Leadership: Higher Education and Student Affairs, and that also helped figure it out. However, it didn't really help in the explaining what I do (at least not a short answer.) So I'll give you the long answer...
I'm a Coordinator in the Office of Campus Life. I work to develop a non-class-based program for our freshmen and transfer students (helping to ease their transition to our institution through a peer mentor program, event support, and providing connections to other offices;) I support 1/3rd of our student organizations in their attendance at conferences, programs on campus, and their development as student leaders; I supervise my office's 8 student workers (without whom our office would be lost); I work with our GLBT population, coordination our Safe on Campus program as well as providing other programming efforts and resources; I advise our student programming board while helping them develop as a student organization and planning awesome campus events; and I support the efforts of my coworkers, which includes being present during orientations.
So, yes, I do plan SOME parties, and I'll agree - my job is awesome. But my job is also challenging, both on a professional level and sometimes a personal level, and I know that some of my students would not succeed as they do if it wasn't for the support that my office provides them. While we're not an academic support, we are a support.

I hope you enjoy my blog. It will be a mix of personal things (most likely about animals, food, and the city of Chicago) and my professional life, but I hope there will never be a dull moment. Welcome!